Who am I?

If I was given the capability that I see so much in others to write out what God is saying to me, and to understand and comprehend what he is doing in my heart, would I actually put that skill in to use? Would I feel any better being able to write out and explain in words what I have found to be indescribable? Would I realize that I have been spoken to by God, or would I become arrogant and proud and think I had come up with the next greatest idea? Or that I wouldn’t give credit where credit is truly due? Would I become more confused than I am now, if that is even possible? Because I would be trying to find words, like I am now, to fit what is beyond my feeble mind? If I prayed hard enough, if I truly believed deep down, would he loosen my fingers, open my mouth and let words pour out? If I have done this before, was it in false faith, was it in disbelief? If I have called out seeking this ability, and not truly felt in my heart, and not truly believed with all that is in me that He is real and he will hear and answer me, do I have faith at all?

One said she always felt that she never had a deep faith, and that she is slowly starting to realize God is showing her how deep her faith has been all along.  Am I like that? Or a few others went on about it, in essence, being fake? Living like a hollow, termite-infested tree, which looks good on the outside, but when the strong winds blow, and the pressure is on, the tree crumbles inside and comes tumbling down. Am I that?

What am I?

The other day I lost my I.D. to get into my dorm, and after searching and searching, found it in the pages of my Bible. I lightly joked that I had found it where my identity should be found, in God’s word. Do I truly believe that? Do I live that out, as I should, and have said that I am? Have I found my identity in Christ, or do I seek my identity in this world?

Who am I?

Do I want to live or do I want to die? That was my pastor’s message last Sunday, and I have actually heard this type of message several times. It has always struck a chord with me, convicted me. It has continually made me realize I had been dead– alive, but not really living. But after so many times, of choosing life, and falling prey to death over and over again, can I be resurrected anymore? Can the living water come and fill me anymore, or am I an empty vessel with a gaping hole in the bottom, in which I am rendered useless? Can God breathe life into me anymore? Can my heart be revived?

Am I alive?

Can I live?

Or better yet, do I want to live?

The Wide and Narrow gates. These are not about salvation, the way to prosperity and life in Heaven for all eternity, or spiraling down into the deep fiery pits of Hell. That is off, that is about the day of judgment. This is, instead, about the path, and life, in which we choose to live now. Do I wish to take the easy way, the way in which there is ample space, where I will find plenty of company and “everything” I could want in life? It leads to destruction.  Or do I choose the other way? The hard way, where I could lose “everything” and only in the company of One. The way in which it sometimes seems too difficult to even find the gate? It leads to life.

Do we want to live? And follow the example set by Jesus.

  • January 22nd, 2012
  • Posted in Blog